Sexual incompatibility at it’s most basic level is the inability of one or both spouses to make the
necessary changes to grow and develop in the ways that are needed, coupled with a basic lack of
understanding of the ways men and women are sexually wired differently.
And, of course, at the root of incompatibility is that we always want the other person to do the
changing! They should change this, or they should be more interested, or they should be nicer, or they
should … the list goes on forever!!Men and women are simply different–emotionally, mentally, sexually.
Even if two people both love sex in the beginning of their marriage things can change as life comes
along, i.e children, health challenges, career changes, etc.Can Sexual Incompatibility Be Prevented?
So my answer to the question, “Is it possible to prevent sexual incompatibility?” is “Yes,” it can be
prevented or at least reduced by better preparation for marriage, but the answer is also, “No,” in that
there will still be some degree of incompatibility once you put all the pieces of marriage together.
By all means discuss it ahead of time with a potential spouse. Go with your gut feeling of whether this
might be a major issue in your marriage.
But once you get married, whatever the sexual situation is that you end up with — that’s what you have
to work with, as well as you possibly can, with the assumption that YOU will need to learn some things
and change some things, whether it be your attitude, your responses, your patience level, your level of
patience and understanding, your thoughts and core beliefs, or your degree of faith, etc.Identify your
external stress factors that may be affecting your sex life.
Are you stressed from work? Are you exhausted? Unfulfilled in an area of your life? Have body image
issues? Whatever it is – start to make a list and tackle your challenges. If sex needs to go on the
back burner while you figure this out, so be it. But exploring low sex drive from the “what is
stressing me out” angle is worth tackling, if not for peace of mind, but for overall well-being.Find
other ways to be intimate (that don’t involve sex)
Holding hands. Having fun with each other (this does not have to be the clichéd “date night”). Exercise
together—runs, hiking, yoga, etc. Go through old pictures together. Ask each other about dreams and
aspirations. What’s on your bucket list? What’s on your partner’s? Ask for advice – people loved to be
asked for advice. Do projects together, build something or paint something together. Do all of these
things WITH NO EXPECTATION OF SEX.Slowly and steadily you will able to build that strong bond which
will cherish your relationship for forever.
EVERY PROBLEM HAS ITS SOLUTION THAT IS THE MANTRA OF HEALTHY LIFE