After observing dozens of cases about divorce rates & reading an article by a friend I too thought of writing my personal opinion about it.
So, this is something based on my experience that I had during my sister’s wedding plan. But before vomiting up my thoughts I want to ask a question “Is it necessary to get married?” I guess it’s not but yeah here in India it is a “strong moral compulsion” something which is closely attached to our social status (Are bhai! Naak ki baat hai).
Specifically, here I’ll be talking about marriage of a girl. The girl’s father or her complete family is always worried about her marriage right from her birth why? May be because of Dowry? Or is it much more than that? It’s not just the “dowry” thing. I have seen people saying “Jaldi byaah karwa do warna ladki nae naam kar degi” after she attains the age or even before that if she looks matured enough.
“Nae Naam” here does mean “fame” but never in a positive way. There is a proverb extremely famous in Rajasthan “Dhore (Sand dunes) mai dhool (sand) milawegi ye chori”. And after listening to it I felt how does it really matter. If you’re comparing the self-respect with a sand dune then it really doesn’t matter what people are saying about it. Everything is already transient and miscible there anyways.
So, what kind of a girl is ideal for a marriage? A devi kind of girl isn’t it? She should know how to cook, take care of old aged parents and grandparents, she should know how to nurse the little ones etc etc .. This etc , in modern times includes “the girl shouldn’t drink, no past relationships, no short dresses, no guy friends and should always be ready to quit her job (if she do) for the ‘Home Making’ thing”. List is actually too long and never meet the requirement for a ‘non-ideal boy’ to marry ‘yet to be a perfect girl’. So, they feel yeah! They compromised marrying such a girl with a faith that he would surely make her change her personality after she is trapped in a marriage.
In modern time we are used to the branded products in our daily life and there are brands/ tags for girls too. You know what I am saying right? The tags here are ‘the virgin girl’ & ‘the slutty girl”. Yeah! There are basically two types of girl only one who had sex before & and other yet to experience it.
So, virgin girls are only eligible for the marriages. The other category too gets married but they have to hide ‘the kaand’ they did before. You know there are some people who know the several ways to check if a girl is virgin or not. Let’s not get too deep into it to make it dirty but people generally presume it by knowing “the girl was having a boyfriend for this period of time.” Okay boss! You’re so choosy and yep it’s up to you to use which brand, Good luck guy. But what I think is a girl (of whatever brand) should never get married to a boy if he asks you this question about your virginity.
Because in my opinion they are the most “shakki” (doubting) people. They wouldn’t believe you anyways. Let them get married with an untouched dummy a plastic model).
So, if a girl had a boyfriend, was in a previous relationship, wear a fancy-dress smoke or drink then they are slutty. That’s what society calls them naa? Yeah! But such tags are only for girls? Why never for boys? May be because people think ‘virginity is not for boys? Or because our society is so patriarchal’.
Do guys fear of an “Independent woman”? Okay! Now listen my own classification of men. There are some cool boys who don’t care about this shit, let’s call them slutty because they might or might not be virgin. The other is decent and still there is a category of over dominating ones.
Ok! Let’s talk something about this decent guy. Sweet, sincere, dedicated and innocent ones, they don’t care directly what was the ‘past life’ of a girl, they can marry them if they’re unaware or partially aware. But they fear of the society, of the “tag” the girl brings with her and among them there are some guys who can tolerate this “shitty slultty girl” but only if his parents allow him. What? Yeah actually, there are guys like that who think “they are still in their mother’s womb”. Sounds insane? But are they really ready for this ‘marriage burden’. I guess not, they are still not ready for the life. Can such guys make their own independent decisions? Marriages with such often leads to divorce, and that’s what’ have been observed in many cases. Respecting and taking care of parents is one thing but their interference in child’s personal life more than a certain level is extremely toxic even for an “overall decent” couple.
How can I forget that there is an another kind of “tag” prevalent in the country like India which is extremely diversified. Yes! You assumed it right I am talking about “the caste system “. People keep discussing about it now and then. So, I’ll just add a little to it. Whenever my family says marriages should never be outside caste, then my reply to it is “kyu doosri caste ki ladke bacche paida nahi kar sakte?” So, think about it why the other caste guy or a girl can’t be a part of the family? Do tell me if you get a reasonable answer.
Now the ultimate thing I want to touch in as topic is “Divorce”. So, 2 people gets married due to any reason whether it be a personal choice or a family pressure they’re forced to just keep it, tolerate it even if it doesn’t work anymore. We guys have seen many such elderly couples who live with each other for several years but there isn’t any husband wife relationship between them. Opinion of such people to the younger couples is always “Beta nibhana padta hai”. But I believe no more in “Karna hi padega ya nibhana hi padega”.
Marriage is about meeting of two imperfect souls who completes each other. That’s why the partner is called “the better half”. Marriage is a promise b/w two people to make each other’s life more beautiful. It can’t be forced. It should always be one’s personal choice to when and with whom to get married.
By:- Diksha Panwar